Blog
Unlikely Friends
Posted by Shaylee Honey on November 09, 2010 at 6:51 am
When a birthmother shows up at Christian Homes maternity apartments, we never know what she'll bring with her. Some bring only the clothes they are wearing. Others bring a suitcase full. Some bring a bag of special memories with items like photos, scrapbooks, and letters from loved ones. Some bring another child. And with another child comes even more "stuff." And then there are those who bring "significant others." Sometimes it's the child's father. Sometimes it's a boyfriend.
Recently one of our birth mothers brought both her one-year old daughter plus her boyfriend. And since men can't live in the maternity apartments, this couple rented their own while awaiting the birth of her child.
I don't usually have a chance to meet and get to know those who occupy our maternity housing since I am out of town a lot and their stay with us is often short-lived. But I have become rather close to this "family."
Mark is Freda's (not real names) boyfriend and not the father of either of her children. He's had some tough times, growing up in a poor family in New Orleans, where he survived Katrina. He's also had trouble with the law and spent a few months in the Abilene jail for crimes committed elsewhere. Nonetheless, Mark is a good guy. He loves Freda, he loves Freda's child, and he wants to do right. After he was released from jail, he went back to his old job at a carwash and picked up where he left off. He started saving his money, opened bank accounts ("Both checking and saving," he announces proudly), and plans to open an IRA as soon as he can.
Mark is one of those guys you want to like. He has an infectious smile, laughs easily and loves to talk. It's not idle talk, either. He likes to talk about his plans and dreams, where he wants to go in life and how he plans to get there. He's being tutored in math so he can take his GED, which will open up new opportunities for this man who is not afraid to work. He and Freda want to become involved with a family of faith, feeling a renewed desire to know God better.
Friendship often means seeing beyond externals to the real person inside. It means accepting people where they are, looking past mistakes to what they can become. Friendship means finding the common interests, hopes and joys and building on those rather than differences. When we do that, a whole new world opens up that strengthens and brings life and hope to all concerned.
My new friends have talked about staying in Abilene once the baby is born and delivered to the care of its forever family. That would suit me just fine; I like them.
Heroes
Posted by Shaylee Honey on July 19, 2010 at 1:22 pm
Today Steve Jones, Christian Homes & Family Services Trustee, is guest blogging on his idea of heroes...we're thankful for you, Steve!
It is very common for people to make heroes of professional athletes and entertainers. We also like to create heroes like Superman and Spiderman.
Occasionally events like natural disasters, terrorist attacks and national holidays occur that spotlight real heroes like firefighters, police officers, EMT's and military personnel. A closer look can also reveal some of the quiet heroes like teachers and nurses.
My few years on the board of trustees of Christian Homes & Family Services have shown me a whole new group of quiet heroes. These heroes are often referred to as birth parents, adoptive parents, foster parents and employees of Christian Homes & Family Services.
A hero can be defined as one who puts the needs of others above his or her own, a remarkably brave person, somebody admired, or a person with superhuman powers.
What is more selfless than a birth parent's decision to seek a loving, stable home for his or her baby? What could be more remarkably brave than committing your life to the care of an adopted child? Who could you admire more than someone who is willing to be a foster parent? I know CH&FS employees don't have superhuman powers but their commitment to birthmothers and children is almost as amazing.
And just like Batman has Alfred, these heroes have wonderful families that love and support them and make their own sacrifices so that our heroes can go about the business of being remarkable, admired and practically superhuman. And finally, just as our heroes have wonderful families, this organization has wonderful donors and volunteers that quietly make a difference in the lives of children through their contribution of time and money.
If you are a birth parent, adoptive parent, foster parent, CH&FS employee or someone who supports the efforts of these individuals you can be assured that you are now on the top of my hero list and the hero list of the children whose lives and souls are touched by your loving sacrifices.
May God bless the heroes of children who truly need heroes.
Birth Mother
Posted by Shaylee Honey on July 12, 2010 at 5:40 am
Birth mother is an interesting term. It defines the role of a woman in an unplanned pregnancy choosing to sustain life and place her child with an adoptive family. Adoptive parents use it to describe the presence of that woman in their family. And it fits as adoptees grow and need to fit those women into their lives.
But the term, "birth mother" is limiting. It is inadequate to explore the true depths of that woman. It can't explain her hopes and dreams, nor address the emotional investment she has made in the child she has placed.
There are other words -- like sustainer, nurturer, strong, selfless -- that more completely describe the person. These words fit my friend, April.
April contacted Christian Homes last November. She was homeless, unemployed and the mother of a 16-month old little girl named Sarah. She was also estranged from her family, unsure of her future and pregnant. April knew Sarah needed the stability of a family that she could not provide, so Sarah was placed in a loving foster home. April also knew the life she was carrying needed the same. She wanted them both "to have a Mom and Dad that would raise them right in a Christian home." Looking back, she knows coming to Christian Homes was the right choice, though not an easy one and certainly not one to be taken lightly.
April smiles when she talks about the Foster-to Adopt home where Sarah is thriving. Her smile gets even bigger when she shares Sarah's most recent smile in the new photograph sent to her because of the semi-open relationship she has with Sarah's family.
In May, April gave birth to another beautiful girl who was placed in an open adoption with a family April chose. The relationships with those two families put April at peace and allow her to watch her dreams and hopes come true.
"I think of them every single day." April says. "Christian Homes did so much to take care of me -- they were kind to me, took me to the doctor, helped me with counseling and gave me everything I needed. They encouraged me to be a better person. I went to "FaithWorks":http://faithworksofabilene.org and finished that. I am a different person today. I feel like I can make friends now. My self-esteem and self confidence have been boosted real high."
April is moving into Hope Haven and looking for a job. And when she is not thinking about those gorgeous little girls, she is "thinking all the time and real hard about going back to school and studying criminal justice."
April is strong and selfless. She is a sustainer and nurturer. She is one of our beautiful birth mothers.
Names have been changed to protect the identity of this birth mother and her family.
Mothering Sunday
Posted by Shaylee Honey on May 03, 2010 at 9:51 am
The act of honoring motherhood is as old as time itself. Official celebrations are almost as ancient.
The ever-partying Greeks and Romans celebrated in springtime, with festivals honoring Rhea and Cybele, the mother of their gods.
The early Christians, perhaps not as festively, celebrated in springtime, a day to honor Mary, the mother of God.
The Europeans first officially honored the "Mother Church" on the fourth Sunday of Lent, but it was later broadened to include actual mortal mothers, and became known as Mothering Sunday. Servants and laborers were given the day to return to their homes and visit their mothers -- and granted a reprieve from the fasting of Lent to enjoy a family feast. (Can you imagine at last going home to mom's cooking and having to fast?)
Mothering Sunday was abandoned by the early American settlers, perhaps, historians say, because there simply wasn't time. It could also have been a reflection of the Puritans' general distaste for festivities.
The day was resurrected in the heart of Julia Ward Howe, broken by the devastation of the Civil War. Her proposition was a national celebration of peace and motherhood, appealing to the power of each mother's love to bind together and overcome the futility of their sons' deaths. She wrote in 1870, "We women of one country will be too tender to those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure them."
Her dream wasn't immediately successful, but as time marched on, it resurfaced and was reshaped. Eventually, in 1914, Woodrow Wilson signed Mother's Day into national observance on the second Sunday of each May.
I like the Europeans' name, Mothering Sunday. It honors the essence of mothering that exists not only in mothers, but in many women whom the actual title "mother" has eluded: unconditional love, real comfort, wise instruction and peace.
I like Howe's connection of peace and mothering. Peace is found in the mother's presence -- her lap, under her arm, or at her side. God's writers often use this imagery to remind us of His love for His people. I like this picture in Isaiah 66, "I will extend peace to her like a river...you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees. As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you..."
I like Christian Homes' connection of peace and mothering: Birth mothers being mothered into peace by their mothers and caseworkers and adoptive mothers; adoptive mothers being mothered into peace by their mothers and caseworkers and birth mothers.
And all of us experiencing the perfect peace of the One Isaiah says nurtures and comforts and loves us -- just like our mothers have. Happy Mothering Sunday.
May the peace of God be with you.
The court decree has been signed…
Posted by Shaylee Honey on April 27, 2010 at 5:09 pm
After the judge signs the final papers and the child is safely and legally in the forever parents' arms, everyone returns to Christian Homes for a finalization party. The newest official member of the family, now usually 6 to 8 months old, is sometimes smiling and playful, but most often asleep and not even old enough to sample the celebratory pink or blue cookies. He doesn't realize what has just transpired, even though the scene is full of hope and promise for that wee one.
Now young adults, their impressions of adoption indicate that though they may have slept through the party and missed the cookies, they certainly have not missed the significance of the whole event.
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Reflections on Adoption:
"Through the years I have grown to see the gift of adoption as I have seen how wonderful it really is. I know I have my gracious birthmother out there that gave me the gift of life, instead of taking my life, which was the most wonderful gift of all!" Anonymous
"Most people ask me now days, how does it feel to know you have a completely different set of parents and family? To tell you the truth, no different than anyone else. Yes you know in your head that they are out there, but your own loving family distracts you from it. When I was a child I was treated no different than my other biological family members, in fact I was loved greatly, my family spoiled and loved on me and adored me." Anonymous
"I am so thankful for Christian Homes and adoption in general. My parents are awesome examples of Christ in my life. If you think about it, adoption is a very Christ-centered idea. He calls us to take care of the orphans and widows and that we are to love our Christian brothers and sisters like our own brothers and sisters. That is what adoption is -- taking a child of God into your home to raise as your own. Children are blessings from the Lord and even if the child isn't necessarily planned, they are still a blessing, whether it be to his or her biological parents, adoptive parents, or other family members." Jennifer
"This process is a true representation of the axiom: "It takes a village to raise a child." I'm so grateful for the successes of open adoptions, because the child has the opportunity and legal support of being influenced by a diverse, unique set of individuals and family structures. When adoptive families, birth families, and social systems collaborate in healthy communication, the adoptive child has a chance to grow in significant ways." Jeremiah
A Word to Birthmothers:
"I think it is a great idea to do adoption. Even if you don't want to give up your child, you can still do an open adoption, which is how my adoption is. It is wonderful having my birth mother in my life and I am so grateful for her selfless decision to put me up for adoption. I think it is a great way to give your child a normal life while you are still a part of it." Jaci
"To any woman out there with an unplanned pregnancy considering her options -- please choose life. Whether you choose to keep the child or choose to place the child for adoption -- choose life. Just look through binder after binder of Christian Homes children and families and see what a difference your child can make in the lives of yourself, his or her potential adoptive parents, and the world. Then think of the thousands of other children adopted through agencies other than Christian Homes, and thousands more children that though they were unplanned, they were welcomed into their mother's home. There are thousands of people around the world that have had full, wonderful lives because their biological mothers chose life. The baby you are carrying could be the person who cures cancer, a missionary that changes the lives of tens, hundreds, or thousands, or even a great mom or dad that is a wonderful example to all around. I am blessed that my biological mom chose life, and that my brother and sister's biological mothers chose life. I can't imagine what my life would be without my precious siblings." Jennifer
To my birthmother:
"Thank you so much for your decision. I cannot thank you enough for thinking about me before yourself and what I needed. Having you in and your family in my life is such a blessing. It is amazing to be able to be a "big sister" to your kids. I am so grateful for everything you have and will do for me in the future. I love you!" Jaci
"I am forever thankful to my biological mom for wisdom beyond her age when she was pregnant with me. She knew that I needed a mommy and a daddy, and knew that my parents could potentially provide me a life that she probably wouldn't have been able to provide." Jennifer
"My birthmother is my hero. I can't imagine what it's like to make so many difficult decisions in a brief amount of time. She came to a realization that she could not keep her child, which must have taken an extreme amount of humility and submission. She could have aborted me, but she loved life and had an intense hope for her child. If I met my birthmother, I would thank her for her character and faith." Jeremiah
Family
Posted by Shaylee Honey on April 19, 2010 at 7:53 am
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth prisoners with singing... (Ps. 68:4-6)
How many adjectives can you pin on "family"? Here are a few I thought of: Nice, safe, fun, quirky, crazy, demanding, single, imperfect, blessed, dysfunctional, functional, irreplaceable, laid-back, active, forgiving, multi-generational, rich, poor, middle-class...
I am thankful to have grown up in a wonderful, wild and wacky family. It was wonderful in too many ways to mention here. It was wild because all 8 of us had minds of our own, and things sometimes got a little out of hand. And it was wacky! In fact, it was so wacky that when the remaining members of my family get together now, we mostly tell funny stories of the wacky things that happened in our family. Like the year our family visited Colorado and my dad let my 16-year old brother drive the entire family up Pikes Peak on the first weekend the road up was open after the winter. Snow all over the road, and the closer we got to the summit, the worse the visibility. My mother sat in the back seat with her arms wrapped around her two youngest yelling at my brother, "Don't look! Don't look!"...meaning I suppose, don't take your eyes off the road to take in the wondrous sights below. But how wacky is it to tell the driver not to look!
What was your family like growing up? I hope it was mostly positive. And even if your experience was less than positive, God's original plan for families was a great idea. Marriage and family were the first social institutions, existing long before tribes, clans and nations...long before a "chosen people," and much longer than the church. In fact, notice how virtually every social enterprise since the first family attempts to pattern itself to some degree after the family concept. God intended families to be safe havens in which family members grow to fullness in every way.
Psalm 68:4-6 testifies to God's desire for families to be the safe place for all: the fit and the fragile. His household will care for orphans, widows and "the lonely." In fact, notice that he himself sets the lonely in families. The family is the launching pad for human beings.
Family is God's idea, and Christian Homes & Family Services puts families together. We place babies and children in loving Christian homes. We connect birth mothers with adoptive parents who will care for her like family long after her delivery. We send adoptive couples imprisoned by years of infertility home singing.
I'm glad to work for a ministry that does the work of God every day.
They Love Babies…
Posted by Shaylee Honey on March 29, 2010 at 12:08 pm
As we sat in the den last fall watching TV, Lynn, my wife, said, "You know, working for Christian Homes would be pretty nice. They love babies."
We had not yet decided if I would take the job should it be offered, so we continued to weigh the pros and cons of up and moving to Abilene, Texas from our beloved hometown, Memphis.
I agreed that working for an agency that esteems babies would indeed be a joyful experience. But then I thought, doesn't everyone love babies? It's easy to love babies. Is it really such a big thing for someone to claim to love these little ones?
The job was offered; I accepted and moved to West Texas to begin a new chapter in life. And I must admit that my very favorable first impressions of Christian Homes & Family Services have proven true many times over. I have come to realize that not only does Christian Homes love babies; they also love birth mothers -- not always as easy as a love affair with soft, cuddly babies.
These future moms come to us during perhaps the most difficult times in their lives. Pregnancy is no easy thing (so I'm told) even when planned. But many of our birth mothers had no intention of being pregnant. Some come from unpleasant circumstances, like fleeing an abusive relationship. Some have been booted from their homes by parents who can't deal with the idea of their daughter pregnant and single. Still others bring with them the unfortunate results of poor decisions along the way--results like addiction, ill health, bruises, homelessness, legal issues and more. All of them looking for acceptance and safety and help.
Watching them grow and change as we, in turn, grow and change is the rewarding part of our relationships with these brave women. And it makes loving them easier.
The staff at Christian Homes loves its birth mothers in many ways. Our newly redecorated apartments provide comfortable, safe shelter while the prospective mom awaits the birth of her baby. We help arrange medical care. Our maternity workers provide rides to doctors' appointments, the grocery store, jobs and church. We even spring for a movie, the zoo or other recreational events along the way. We help them find jobs or apply for school.
But best of all, the Christian Homes staff is just there -- loving unconditionally, day in and day out. I've been impressed with how many of these special moms stay in touch with Christian Homes long after their baby was placed in their forever family...a result, I think, of the mutual joy these women--birth moms and staff--find in one another.
Yeah, sure Christian Homes love babies...but they also love the baby's birth mommy. A lot!
Right Place…Right Time
Posted by Shaylee Honey on March 10, 2010 at 6:21 am
Judy* - Forty-something, unmarried, with an abusive boyfriend and no place to live. What's a woman to do? She did what millions do everyday...she looked in the yellow pages.
Adrianna - The fifteen-year-old awoke one morning sick and hurting. Her parents rushed her to the hospital where she brought a precious 8-lb, 4-oz baby girl into the world. One day a carefree teen, the next day a mom.
Lana - Out of the blue, she heard the words every mom dreads from their teenage daughter, "I'm pregnant." And the rational discussions stopped. The daughter didn't want to talk about the future. A frustrated mom prayed for the right words to say.
Stories like these happen thousands of times a day around the world. Disappointment, heartache, fear, loneliness, hopelessness. These three true stories all happened within the past few months, and thank God, each story has a happy ending because Christian Homes was near. Here are the rest of their stories...
Judy called Christian Homes because the yellow pages ad promised a "safe comfortable apartment" where she could await her child's birth. Because of the kindness of Christian Homes' staff, Judy began to trust again and found a God who loves her deeply despite her history. After Judy placed her baby boy with a Christian forever family, she went back to school, graduated from FaithWorks, found a job and entered college.
Within hours after Adrianna's mom called Christian Homes to say that their family could not adequately care for the baby girl she delivered, an adoptive family was identified. If that weren't enough, the baby's new forever family has welcomed Adrianna as their own, and now she gets to watch this child grow.
Lana's prayers were answered when a representative from Christian Homes visited her church and passed out contact information. Now the mom has the resources she needs from adoption professionals to help her interact with her daughter. Stay tuned for the next chapter in this story.
Notice a thread here? Notice how God placed Christian Homes & Family Services in the path of people in distress? That's our goal...to be where pregnant women who need an alternative to abortion or abandonment can find us. Where couples who want to adopt can find hope and a child. Where families who might want to provide a foster home can get the information they need to say yes! And where givers who want to support an eternal ministry can confidently place their resources in the hands of caring professionals.
You can be a part of the process. Become a fan of Christian Homes on Facebook and tell others. Add our website to your blog links. Refer women who need our services. Tell couples who might want to adopt or serve as foster parents about our agency. Let's form a partnership of being at the right place at the right time.
*All names have been changed.
