Blog
Staff Spotlight: Margaret Ballew
Posted by Janet Mendenhall on June 07, 2010 at 8:52 am
Want to know more about the staff here at Christian Homes & Family Services? Throughout the next few months we will be spotlighting different staff members to give you insight on the ins and outs of our ministry. Read along and get to know our beloved co-workers and friends…
Family is important to Margaret Ballew, so it is no surprise that for the last 27 years she has been building families one adoption story at a time. Margaret began writing happy endings as the adoption caseworker at Christian Homes & Family Services in December of 1982, after working six years with Child Protective Services in her hometown of Longview, TX. And now as Director of Adoption Services, and hundreds of couples later, she still marvels as the stories unfold.
Her favorite part of the story is always the climax. Placing a child at last in the loving arms and expectant hearts of a hopeful couple is never tiresome. And certainly none so marvelous as the one she remembers most fondly. This couple had suffered 12 miscarriages before beginning their adoption journey, and nothing compared to that moment when they saw and held their baby for the first time.
Bringing couples to that climactic moment is the real heart of Margaret’s day-to-day role as caseworker. Sifting through the mounds of paperwork is overwhelming to couples and caseworker alike. Multiple in-depth interviews can be frightening. The home study, a careful investigation and assessment of your ability to parent, can be a bit intimidating. Then the waiting begins as birth mothers review portfolios and the couples review parenting manuals. And Margaret is there, providing support throughout the journey. Even after the placement, she supervises the couple until the adoption is final, usually about 6 months.
The stories don’t end there even for Margaret, who smiles as she remembers the graduation announcements, wedding invitations, and school pictures she has received through the years. Hearing the rest of the stories from these families is an extra blessing. That Margaret Ballew is a blessing to families is unquestionable. Years later, Cathi Nelson, mother of two adopted children, says, “One of the things I love about Christian Homes, and I tell people this all the time, is that the same people who helped us get our children years ago are still there. How long has Margaret been there, 20-something years? There’s a consistency that you don’t find anywhere else.” Sharon Nolen had this to say about her journey with Margaret, “We don’t know what our adoption memories would have been like without Margaret; but, we know that with Margaret they are wonderful and warm. She was and still is a very nurturing and caring person…The Christian example that she continually displays is one of her most important attributes. She has strengthened us so many times.”
Though each story is different, Margaret is certain of the theme. God is faithful and his timing sure. She has seen it written over and over in couples losing hope as the wait seems endless for them and not for others, couples grieving in the wake of a birth mother’s changed mind, couples doubting their ability to parent a baby born with unexpected challenges. Each time, God provides. She remarked about one such special case, “It was a perfect match and still is!” Margaret knows God is the perfect matchmaker, and she loves being a small part of His stories.
An Empty Cradle
Posted by Cindy Miller on March 15, 2010 at 8:27 am
An empty cradle? What kind of gift?
It’s one that offers you the opportunity to grow as you dream and work to fill it!
Not that all biological children come about as a result of no dreaming, no heartache, no preparation, and no work…but acknowledging that dreaming, heartache, preparation and work are almost always prerequisites for adoption!
I can remember as a little girl dreaming of being a mother…knowing in my heart that’s what I wanted more than anything…picking out names…holding my dolls as if they were real because I had such a desire…such a tangible feeling…such a need…to be a mother!
And after years of infertility, after years of dreaming yet still unfulfilled as a mother…I remember making the decision to adopt…facing mounds of paperwork and requirements…then finally being told “You’re approved!”…which only then opens the door to the hard part of adopting…the WAITING!
You decide to do something constructive with the waiting time. You start reading and preparing. You watch how others handle their children and you decide to remember or forget that approach to parenting. You paint the nursery and put the crib up and select the nursery’s theme…but the crib is still empty. All of a sudden, it seems everybody at the mall has a baby…everybody at church has a baby…everybody has a baby…everybody…except you, even those who don’t take care of them have babies, those who neglect them have babies, those who wish they didn’t have them have babies…everybody…except you. Then you remember Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Your faith grows. God’s comfort comes to you again full force and you resume the task of preparing for that desire to be fulfilled. Your friend’s baby has colic…you read about colic and remedies and survival techniques for the parents. Because people know you’re approved to adopt, you find out there are people all around you connected to adoption in some way…you hear stories…stories of perfect children, products of adoption, and imperfect children, products of adoption…you wonder which yours will be. You study up on nature versus nurture. You remember Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it,”…and your faith grows, reminding and convincing you that God has provided you the perfect book on parenting, and not only did He leave you instructions, He also promised He will be with you through the “perfect” or the “imperfect” child. Your faith grows.
Because of your empty cradle, you have concentrated not just on preparing physically for your child but preparing spiritually for your child…you have learned to rely more fully on God for your peace and your contentment…you have learned to allow Him to carry your frustration and anxiety, a trait you definitely will need during your child-rearing years…and you have gained more of an understanding of His desire for you as His child as you have yearned for your own…
Then it happens…THE BABY…
And you realize there is not enough waiting time to fully prepare you for the joy of what you had dreamed of and worked toward. But now…your heart, your spirit, and your cradle are full!
Wait
Posted by Janet Mendenhall on March 01, 2010 at 11:41 am
Whether it is for a check-out lane at Wal-Mart or a slow Internet connection, “wait” is a four-letter word. Good things might come to those who wait, but we have invested well in assuring ourselves we won’t have to test that adage.
We don’t wait for food to cook, for film to develop, and certainly not for a word to arrive from a friend or loved one. From instant pudding to instant messaging, we want it now. And consequently, when we must wait, we are not good at it.
We are not in bad company as impatient people. Abraham in his haste to receive God’s promise hurried to a handmaiden. Aaron, in the prolonged absence of the mountaintop-Moses, took matters into his own crafty hands. David whined for God to rush his wrath towards his pursuers. But in God’s time, His people celebrated His faithfulness.
Many of you are waiting. Waiting for a birth mother to choose you, waiting for God to answer your prayers, waiting for your baby.
I remember that waiting. I remember it was neither easy nor fun. I remember I was not very good at it. Through the power of prayer and the positive words of encouraging friends, we not only endured the wait, but also grew. You will, too. There is joy in the journey. You will find it, too.
Twelve years after the wait ended, one of my son’s favorite stories is what happened on the final day of our wait. We had reason to believe a baby had been born but for days had no word from our caseworker. Certain that our wait had been in vain and that something had gone wrong, I held the phone and, sitting on the garage floor out of earshot from the others in my house, listened as a godly friend prayed with me and reassured me as I cried. As I listened and wiped my eyes, Call Waiting alerted me to another call. “You have a son!” the voice happily announced. There was no wiping those tears. “A name?” she asked. “Samuel,” I said. Because God heard.
If God is calling you to wait, then wait. Good things do come. And one day someone will want to hear your waiting stories.
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